Updated: Aug 10, 2018
What is true forgiveness?….
Is it when you forget someone has done you wrong?
Or maybe when someone does you wrong but they apologize? And if that happens, does it mean you shift to a new way of relating as if the event(s) never happened?
What if it means that the events happened, but you get to a place where you realize that those events don’t have to colour your world any more? And you truly wish well for the other person?
The latter form of forgiveness has become what I know to believe. Do I still have grey moments? Yes I do. But it just means that I have to sit with those moments and let my mind clear.
This is the gift I had given myself the day I decided my life was amazing but it was covered up with too much colouring. I learned patience thru meditation and as my practice strengthened my mud began to settle.
So back to the grey shades of forgiveness. Is it necessary to let that person back into your life if you have chosen forgiveness? That is a question that can only be answered by you as the mud settles. Take for example the person who wronged you committed murder. This person has realized their errors and feels huge amounts of remorse for their actions. Should you now be friends? Perhaps not, but it is possible to get to a place where you wish them well.
My pattern in life seems to be finding people who hurt me in various ways but they never apologize. I have in the past found “followers” – you know, the people that agree that you have been wronged. But even though I can find people to agree, it doesn’t take the sting out of the situation.
5 years ago I found a path to believe in and with it my meditation practice. What I found very early on was that forgiveness is not for the other person. It was for myself. When I could get to a place of wishing that person well, it was like removing huge weights off of my shoulders. Each time I forgave a situation or person I became lighter and happier. And at the same time as I was releasing myself from this huge weight I was also releasing the other person. Now sometimes I didn’t want to release the other person but that only kept me tied up too. But in essence, when I wished the other person well (released them), they became free to heal themselves. Now for me this does not mean that I want to have lunch with them. But it does mean I truly wish them well to live a life of peace and happiness. And that wish comes back to me as I realize my life becomes more peaceful and happy.
Now that the shades of grey are softening a new hue comes into play. Recently I’ve been given a new piece of the puzzle when someone who has hurt me continuously since I was young has apologized for some of the more colourful events. I’m really not used to receiving apologies and this threw me for a loop. Thoughts of “Wow” and “how my younger years could have been different if these things had never occurred?” I felt a little euphoric. But as I let the mud settle, I realized that those things did happen but I had come to a place where they didn’t jade my world any more. But does this mean I want to spend more time with this person or have a deep relationship with them? Right now as my mud is settling, the answer is no. I do wish this person love, peace and happiness but that’s all I’ve got right now. My hopes are that by that person finding those words – they are finding a way to heal themselves.
And I will continue to “remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself” <3
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