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  • Writer's pictureTamina

“What if all that weighed you down was not yours to carry?”

Updated: Aug 9, 2018

How much guilt do we carry around with us that weighs us down and stops us from enjoying our lives to the fullest? And this weight, this guilt… is it really ours or are we carrying someone else’s unhappiness and unfulfilment?

What if every person woke up this morning and took a moment for just themselves? Gave themselves the love and compassion that every single one of us deserves? What if we all started the day wondering what we could do to make this the best day it could potentially be given all the circumstances?

The world seems very divided. It only takes a few minutes on Facebook to see how many people out there that are wanting to help those around them, full of compassion to make this a better world. But a little more scrolling and the newsfeed is full of hate, anger and fear. So many people blaming their unhappiness on the circumstances around them. And this second part scares me a little.

I have a quote on my family room wall that reads “We cannot direct the winds, but we can adjust our sails”.

I really don’t want to go all “Pollyanna” here because stuff happens. Some really bad heavy stuff happens. What if we simply acknowledge it and ask ourselves what we need to do to help ourselves thru it? What if we fed ourselves self compassion? Studies show that self compassion leads to healthy behaviors. And all those healthy behaviors feed your soul, your body, and your mind. And if you feed yourself till your full and overflowing… well that can’t help but feed the people around you as well.

So let’s take a look at all the angles. People project guilt onto others because they feel a lack. But each of us are our own best judge of what that lack is. So only we ourselves can know how to fill that lack if we step back and listen to ourselves and let self compassion enter. By taking care of ourselves and filling our own needs we don’t need to rely on others to do it for us. We get to keep control of our life. And what great news for the other guy! Because they would only be able to give their best guess at how to fill that void that isn’t even their’s to fill!

By practicing self compassion…. guilt onto others wouldn’t even come into play anymore. Wanting others to change falls off the radar. If every one of us took the time to love ourselves, there would be no need to hold someone else accountable to fill the lack.

But this is getting back to a world of only “puppy dogs and butterflies” which likely won’t happen anytime soon! By simply thinking through the process we can free ourselves from the guilt of others. Giving ourselves permission to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others in a much healthier fashion. With Loving Kindness <3

And remember… pity and compassion are 2 different beasts. You don’t have to take on someone else’s darkness but you can give love, peace, joy and everything good. Pity has a way of allowing the other person to not have control of the situation and that isn’t helpful for anyone.

So in closing I would like to leave you with a couple of great quotes. The first by Brene Brown:

“I’m not as sweet as I used to be but I’m a lot more loving”

and everyone’s favorite Lucille Ball:

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line” …. and who doesn’t love Lucille Ball.

Listen to Tamina's audio version:

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